In San Francisco you can participate in an activity that involves a 2" metal ring and rope that results in the kind of crabs that don't require a clinic visit.

Step One: The Gear
What you'll need for crabbing: a crab net, strong water-resistant rope, a metal ring about 2 inches in diameter, cable ties, a bait cage, a big bucket, some stinky bait and, in Mr. P's case, a package of beef jerky.

I used a figure-eight hitch knot to attach three lengths of rope to the outer cage ring in the peace symbol shape. I tied the three pieces to the metal ring with the same knot, then tied a long rope off the top of the ring and secured all the knots with zip ties because I wasn't sure we'd get anything the first time out but at least I wanted to come back with all the gear.

1 a.b.c 8 hitch, 2. metal ring, 3. zip ties 4., bait cage attached with zip ties, 5. leader rope.

Step Two: Location
We'd been to Chrissy Field before and seen people crabbing near Fort Point and in California you don't need a license to fish from any public access pier so we were sold on the spot. Well, unofficially step two is to make sure that the person before you set the white balance back to daylight from tungsten on the camera before taking pictures. It cuts down on the cyan alien look. Anyway, we drove down to the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge and set up shop.

Step Three: Dropping the Net
We chose chicken as our bait because, rumor had it, crabs can't resist a good stinky chicken leg. Plus there are lots of creatures down there and some are very strong and clever like octopus so I liked the added bone-in bait insurance. Once we'd baited up, which was entirely Mr. P's job, it was just sort of a cross between a frisbee and discus move from the waist to toss the net out into the bay. The whole goal was to get the net away from the pier entanglements and onto the rocky bottom where we'd entice crabs in with the bait.

Step Four: Waiting
Then we waited for crabs to show up and start eating the chicken, which by our estimate was about 15 minutes. Mr. P took the opportunity for a jerky break.

Step Five: Hauling up
After some time passed we pulled up the net to see what we had. There aren't hooks or anything in the net, it's just that crabs are greedy and they'll scavenge until forcibly stopped so they'll just hang on when you haul in the net.

Step Six: Sizing up the catch
There are three main types of crabs that are edible and live in the area, however, it's not permissible to take Dungeness crab from the bay - something about it being a breeding ground. So we were limited to red and rock crabs which have to be over 4 inches wide to be considered keepers. We'd made a few hauls with tiny crabs then a mother load of gigantic crabs. I'd learned from the DnR board that the certifiable way to tell a Dungeness from other crabs is the claw tip color -- white back in the Bay, black into the pot.

Lady luck wasn't with us, the crabs had to go back.

We made another haul and brought up four red crabs that ranged in size and some, while legal, were on the small size. But we were determined to cook crab that night so we put them in the holding bucket.

Okay sidenote about sea lions. Sea lions are complete and total bastards. They will follow a line right down to the bait and wreck the hell out of your gear. And they don't stop. They are very, very protected in California so you can't attempt to shoo them away or yell at them, the most you could do is think poorly of them in their general direction and you still might get a fine.

It was getting late plus the sea lions weren't giving us a break so we took our catch home to eat.

Step Seven: The dispatch
There's really two ways to dispatch the crabs, one involves stabbing their faces off while they're still alive and the other calls for putting them in the freezer to slow them down and sort of knock them out before they hit the pot. We chose the ladder. (Freaking out cats is optional)

Step Eight: Cooking
We set up a steamer in the bottom of a big old pot and set them in to cook. After about twenty minutes we took 'em out and ate 'em. They were tastier than other types of crab I've had but we had to work very hard to get the meat on the little ones.

Crabbing Summary
Things I learned from our first outing:

• Crab fishing takes nearly no skill, so we were pretty good at it.
• Crab fishing is cheap. Between the gear and bait it was maybe $17.00 total. And once you have the rig, chicken legs are like $2.00.
• Crabs are way into chicken. Sure, you can use squid but the other people using squid weren't getting squat and we only had one haul without crab and I suspect sea lion intervention in that case.
• Little kids are totally flipped out of their minds by crabs, especially when they make clicking noises and wave around a claw.
• French tourists want to know when crab season begins and ends, and are marginally interested in the crabbing process. German tourists are more focused on taking pictures of the catch bucket.
• Old Portuguese guys, they HATE sea lions. It's hard to overstate that point.
• I'm totally down with the old Portuguese guys in that respect.
• Go early in the day, it gets cold and foggy near dusk. Although it does set you up for a night of chowder and hot cocoa.
• If you're cooking crab make it worth it and wait until you get some really big crabs otherwise it's just too much work to get the meat out.
• Crabbing is a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon, though I'd admit more so for us than than crabs.